The teen years can be a whirlwind for both parents and teens. It’s a time of incredible growth and change, and it can also be a period of intense conflict.
Hi, I’m Dr. Dayana Jiménez, founder, owner and clinician at Manhattan Teen & Young Adult Psychology, and I understand the unique challenges families face during this period.
In this video, I’ll help you understand how to navigate conflicts using mindfulness and I’ll be sharing these mindfulness tips through a dialectical behavior lens which will help equip you with the tools to navigate these conflicts and foster a strong, healthy relationship with your teen.
What is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It’s a powerful tool that can help parents navigate the emotional rollercoaster of parenting teenagers.
Mindfulness Helps Increase Self-Awareness.
Mindfulness helps you observe and notice what is happening around you in your environment. It also helps you notice your emotions, thoughts and sensation in your body. You can then begin to verbalize observations such as, “I notice that my face feels hot” or “I notice that I feel angry” or “I notice I am clenching my jaw.”
Mindfulness Helps Slow Things Down.
Teens can push buttons, and it’s easy to get swept up in the moment. When emotions run high on both sides, a mindful approach can help de-escalate tensions.
Mindfulness allows you to step back, use your rational mind, while at the same time observing your emotions in order to make better choices.
Mindfulness allows you to choose what to say or do that will not make the situation worse.
For example, mindfulness can help you avoid saying things you would regret or cannot enforce and would further strain the relationship.
Mindfulness Can Help You Make Wise Choices.
Mindfulness allows you to be fully present in conversations with your teen. You can actively listen to their words and pay close attention to their tone of voice and body language.
By listening and fully participating in the moment of the conversation, you are quieting your own internal thoughts and focusing on understanding your teen’s point of view.
This also places you in a position where you can validate your teen’s experience. Validating their experience does not mean agreeing with them. It indicates and communicates that you understand what they may be feeling and understand their experience.
You may say something like: “Oh – okay I get you and understand why you felt so angry.”
Now, I want to pivot and share some Mindfulness Exercises for Parents to Practice:
Practice 2 Minutes of Mindfulness.
Sometimes it is helpful to start each day with a 2 minutes or less of a Mindfulness practice in two simple steps:
First, Observe without words) your surroundings both externally and internally. So you would observe what’s happening in your environment and in your body.
Second, without judgment, describe with words those internal and external observations.
And third, be fully present in present; participate fully in the moment what is happening. Don’t think about the future, or the past in that moment. Just be present.
For example, while brushing your teeth, notice the suds of the tooth paste on your teeth, notice the minty taste.
Then say to yourself “I am noticing the minty smell of the toothpaste, I am noticing a few bristles of the toothbrush touching my tooth and gum”. This practice can extend to listening to a song you like or cleaning the kitchen after dinner.
Every day you can practice noticing things such as brushing your teeth, eating your breakfast or walking to the train. Noticing can be something you can practice at the end or beginning or your day.
Over time, this cultivates a deeper awareness of all your senses. With practice you will become better aware of your emotions as they begin. You will then know how they influence your interactions with your teen.
With practice, your mindfulness skill will be something that comes up automatically in times of distress so you can stay clear-headed in moments of tension and resolve problems while minimizing emotional reactivity.
Deep Breathing.
When you begin noticing that a conversation is escalating with your teen, or your voice raising in tone, it will be helpful to take a few deep breaths. This helps improve your body’s oxygen supply.
It allows you to think more clearly when facing stressful situations with your teen. It gives you time to make informed choices, choose your words carefully, and not act impulsively or say things you will later regret.
Parenting a teenager is a demanding job, and it’s okay to need help. At Manhattan Teen & Young Adult Psychology, we can provide guidance and support for both parents and teens.
Contact us today to learn more about how we can help your family improve communication and bring you closer than ever before.